Pet Bereavement: The grief of losing a pet
The grief of losing a pet:
Losing a pet can be one of the hardest losses to bare. We are, of course, seen as a nation of animal lovers, it might seem that such grief would be universally understood and yet there can still be a surprising lack of consideration for how deep and painful this loss can feel. When Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton shared the heartbreak of losing his dog, Roscoe. fans and fellow dog lovers reached out in empathy, highlighting just how powerful the human/animal bond can be.
Psychotherapist and author Julia Samuel, in her book Grief Works: Stories for Life, reflects on this kind of loss, saying: “We dismiss and legitimise people’s grief for a dog. It is as if people have more value and those that make a fuss about a pet are somehow trivial”
The term “man’s best friend”, is most often associated with dogs, however, this sentiment rings true for all kinds of pets. When we welcome an animal into our lives, we open ourselves up to a unique and unconditional form of love, one that may not always be present in our human relationships. For many, pets become our closest confidants, our main source of comfort, and the only place where unconditional love is truly felt. It’s no wonder that our animals often feel just as much a part of the family as any person. Our pets require our care and attention, but they also provide a comforting constant in an otherwise turbulent world. No matter the subject on the news, or the latest drama at work, coming home to see your favourite animals promises a moment of relief and happiness. The routines of feeding, walking, and caring for them can also support our own mental health, offering structure and motivation even when life feels overwhelming. Despite how you feel, your motivation is heightened by your furry (or not so) best friend.
Even as infants and young children it is common to find comfort in a furry friend - our cuddly toys and teddy bears. Their scent, touch, smile and of course, overall cuteness make us feel safe in vulnerable and taxing moments. This experience is transferable to owning a pet. Parting from these security blankets as a child can be particularly traumatic and these feelings become much more extreme when we lose a pet.
So why, when a pet is lost, can it be perceived as less devastating as the loss of a family member or friend? While mental health professionals do recognise pet loss as a legitimate source of grief, society sometimes minimises it. This invalidation can make it even harder to process the pain, especially when the loss reawakens earlier, unresolved grief.
There are no rules for grief, no hierarchy of whoever or whatever we are “allowed” to mourn, and as a society can we be guilty of just getting on with our lives, suppressing any feelings we have, as it can just be too painful to face. Can this denial of feeling be increased even more, with the loss of a pet, because of others’ lack of understanding. This suppression can lead to such emotions showing themselves in other aspects of our lives. Examples could be increased anger, loss of patience, lack of sleep, or feeling tired. We might convince ourselves we’re coping “just fine,” when the pain is simply finding other outlets.
Seeing a therapist could be the key for you to help to unlock those feelings, offering a private, safe, comfortable place to be able to express how you truly feel.
Love in any form, deserves to be honoured when it is lost and in counselling, you have permission to grieve freely, to celebrate your pet’s life, and uncover the deeper significance of the bond you shared. This may lead on to discovering why this beloved creature was so important to you. Perhaps they filled a void, offered stability, or represented unconditional love in a way no one else could or ever has.
Our Counsellor, Karen Batchelor, works with us as a Psychodynamic Counsellor.